Relations Begin With ‘How We Relate To Our Inner Self’

Relationships can be difficult sometimes. But who is it to blame for that? Is the other person ‘the bad guy’, or maybe the circumstances were not favourable?

First of all it is important to start with connecting to our inner self. It helps to reflect upon how we are positioning ourselves in relation to others. It is interesting to see that we develop different relationships with different people. Therefore, we choose who is our best friend, our enemy, our superior, our comrade etc

This is most likely to do with how we position ourselves in relation to other people. We usually target those around us as being equal, superior or inferior, depending on the circumstances. Please take a moment to have a look at the scheme below. As an exercise, reflect upon the hierarchy that we tend to establish in relation to other people.

 

By looking at the scheme above, in what kind of relationship you think you will feel the most comfortable? 9 out of 10, the answer will be: ‘in a relationship with someone who is equal to me’. If we would all behave and relate to others as equals, the world would be a much happier place. It’s just about ofering our respect to others.

But what happens in other situations (‘me->other person superior’ or ‘me -> other person inferior’) depends very much on our own previous experiences. However, by looking at someone as he/she is an inferior, means that we tend to close ourselves towards that person. Therefore, we lose the opportunity to learn something new or maybe discover an amazing personality.

On the other hand, we might look at the other person as she/he is superior to us. What happens then is we tend to lack in confidence and minimise our true potential.

At the end of the day, is our personal choice how we relate to others. The idea is, everything starts from our inner self.

“Discover your deep inner-self and from that place spread love in every direction.”
Amit Ray, Meditation: Insights and Inspirations

Should Crying Be An Embarrassment For Adults?

Cry baby, cry…if you feel like you want to express your feelings. Although tears are so innocent, we all have different opinions as to when is acceptable or not to cry.

So, tears or emotions – which one of these are the cause of crying? But what if the tears are fake? Sometimes we are able to identify the difference between fake or real tears, but if not…those may be actually coming from an intense (positive or negative) emotion.

The truth is people cry – babies, adults and old people. All of us cried at some point in our lives. And is that embarrassing? My opinion is – not at all. I don’t think that crying is an act of weakness. It is an emotion that reflects some of our feelings.

Society accepts tears of people who experience emotional happy moments: weddings, birth of their babies, a huge achievement. Or, on the other hand, people accept (or tolerate) when someone is crying because they’ve experienced loss of a dear person (or animal), of big material goods such as house. And babies cry…this is one of the most painful cry for parents. You never know what a true reason for your baby’s cry is (of course, after offering all the comfort such as feeding or/and change of nappies).

What about moments when everybody disagree with expressing this emotion? These are plenty too.

Even since babies become toddlers, we often hear from parents:

  • ‘You are a big boy/girl. You shouldn’t cry.’ Or…’look at the other baby, she/he is not crying.’

Unfortunately, this can affect the child. As he/she grows up, he/she keeps that in mind, thinking: ‘Oh, if I accidentally hurt myself, I shouldn’t cry, as everybody will be staring at me, thinking that I am a weak person’. Is this actually a weakness? Or some people are just more emotional than others!?

Men and women are emotional. Yet why do we often hear the expression ‘men don’t cry’? I don’t think that differences of sexes reflect the presence or absence of feelings.

Therefore, humans have emotions and these can be expressed by tears.

“…you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.”
― Lemony SnicketThe Bad Beginning

Fear – Detect And Dispose It Off

Fear is an emotion and we are not born with it. Well, then how come we are all drawn into its arms at some point in our lives!?

As kids we used to love trying new things and we had no fear whatsoever in drawing a house or learning how to ride a bike. Nobody expected us to do things perfectly and this gave us the courage to try again and again. We were then seeking the power of freedom. The thing is, as adult we still do. We want to explore new horizons and learn new things, but somehow before we do that, we have to think a lot about details and put everything into perspective and sometimes we find so many reasons to delay the start of something new.

Do any of these sound familiar to you:

  • ‘I don’t have enough time to go to the gym or do some jogging’;
  • ‘The traffic is too bad and I don’t have money to buy a new car anyway, so why to bother learning how to drive’;
  • ‘That salsa class… I could do it, but everyone comes with his/her partner, and because I don’t have one, I better stay at home and watch TV’ and so on…

In fact, in many cases, these will translate into:

  • ‘What will people think of me when I go into that gym? – they will all stare at me and judge my body’;
  • ‘what if I pass my test and then…boom, an accident happens’
  • ‘everybody at salsa is so good, I will never be able to learn those moves’

Do you recognize the main emotion here? Yep – fear of the unknown, fear of being judged by others or fear of failure… and if we don’t pay attention or change something in our lives, this emotion grows as we get older and this can make it hard to achieve our goals or dreams.

The idea is to HAVE FUN with everything we do! Listening to our intuition and understanding what it is that our souls would like to learn or achieve at the moment and go for it. Every start is a first step into the unknown and… how would we know if something suits us if we don’t try it on!?